flying to taiwan tmrw. miss me till 5th june.
come airport fetch me on 5th june 10.30 pm. LOL
CYA.

just leave me alone..

i dont even have to courage to face up to myself.haiz.damn it.bloody shit.why does it have to be like this??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????oh bloody.you didnt fall from the top, dont tell me you understand, no you dont.dammit.haiz zz frgt it.sorry mummy, for disappointing you..sorry daddy, you cant be proud of my anymore..sorry garrick, all ure tuitioning efforts went down the drain.sorry brain, for over-taxing you.sorry heart, for making you endure all these pains.sorry hands, for making you write from morning till pastmidnight.sorry ears, for making you endure all the mockings.sorry eyes, for making you read when they're closing.sorry, im sorry.sorry for being such a disappointment.im really sorry, sorry for making you do everything for me yet making you disappointed.sorry makes no difference.im scared.scared of everything.oh fuck..oh bloody, just leave me alone..

I DONT WANT MY REPORT BOOK TMRW!

yea, idw.
no, idw.
zz, idw.
nah, idw.
yes, idw.
wdv, idw.

oh please, pretty pretty please, idw..

i've been struggling with myself for so long,
trying to get face myself.
trying to overcome my own feelings,
trying to face up to everyone,
most of all,
trying to face up to myself.


oh teach me.
i cant stand it much longer..
everything is falling apart,
my life is shattering.
FML.
haiz.

thanks for looking down on me,
thanks for rubbing salt onto my bleeding wound,
thanks for mocking at me when i fell,
thanks alot.
you are such a damn great friend.

zz.
im bueysong like zzzzz today.

nvm.
tmrw got the stupid emath test.
dammit.
-.-

who cares mann.
srsly.
zz
im not gonna study for tat stupid test.
neither will i study for the cep test.
-.-
common la.
cep is essay and writing like based on the situation.
how he expect us memo.
lame.

LOL
i rmbr at the start of the year,
how demoralised i used to feel when i didnt get A1 for tests and how i wld cry sometimes and be like super disappointed.
-.-
great, how am i going to get A1 when i didnt study well rite?
good point.

now im like super indifferent.
zz

dont blame it on him pls, he's a good fren to me, not a bad influence.
though yea, sometimes.
but dont push the blame onto him.
zz

i found myself asking me the same Q over and over again.
is sarificing my studies for fac really worth it?
and great, oh so great.
cause in the end, we stl didnt get champs.
im so sry for screwing up woundcare in hn.
im really sry.
k mabe not really screwed, but its nt the best.
but mabe mabe,
just mabe, if not for tat we wld have gotten first.
haiz idk.

k yea, mabe its my fault not for juggling fac and my studies well,
but yea.
is either i commit to fac or studies, it cant be both.

so in the end,
its just.
MY FAULT.
my damn fault for being such a great disappointment.
zz

haiz yea,
anws.
fac is over, no point dwelling in the past.
haiz.

i guess i just have to mug like shit for ct2 and eoys.
haiz.
60% at stake, i cant afford to lose it anm.
zz

ofc there will be ppl who will laugh when my results are crappy,
but wdv mann.
laugh la.
go ahead and laugh.
idc.
-.-

idk how im going to face everything when i get back my report book.
imagine from 2nd to idk wad shit.
zzzzzzz

thanks alot mann.
thanks for rubbing salf onto my wound.
thanks alot.

and srsly, SHUT THE HELL UP IDIOT.
zz

so yea, mabe im as smart as wad everyone thinks.
idk how im going to get back all the A1s.
truth is, i didnt mug alot last year.
things were like easy to me and all i have to do was to pay attention in cls and i can ace.
zz
now?
forget it..

i cant complain,
i chose this route myself.

zz wadeva.

so tired of all these competiting.
so sick of all the mockings.

haiz zz
i really dont want my report book this time..
really really..

i want to be strong enough to face up to all these.
i want to be clever enough to not let ppl affect me.

i just want to be the happy cheerful crazy karhui..
issit that hard...?

yoohoo! :D

ok ppl.
since i have nth btr to do, i shall blog.
LOL

i was going to upload more photos.
even btr ones!
unglam photos of me jing jia when we were sec 2.
but i think jingwen would kill me if i do tat.
and she said "not will, is definately will"
aww sad so no more unglam photos.
:/
another time ba.
very soon! :D
i promise.
haha.

anws.
im chionging reflections for HoM which was like due on 5th may.
clever me, totally forgotten abt tat.
and linguojing sms me reminding me to hand in.
win.
ok, at least im doing now.
btr than some ppl who doesnt even intend to do horrr. :D

k LOL im waiting for my hair to grow back again.
then i can finally have long long hair again.
k random. -.-

i really damn bs abt sth mann.
srsly, i must tell that sbyl guy this.
stop telling everyone that i like you. puhlease!! please go and take a look at yourself in the mirror. -.- srsly, you not even shuai for goodness sake, not even half as cute as ahems, and you stl dare anyhow say. puhlease la, my taste not so bad, stop saying tat i like you WHEN I NEVER EVEN DID IN THE FIRST PLACE. si bu yao lian! dont think i keep quiet means idk. i know ok, im not deaf nor blind. thanks alot, stop smearing my name telling everyone tat i like you. i hate you dou lai bu ji stl say i like you. sbyl!
zz

ok i hope tat tat brainless byl idiot and stop all those crap.
-.-
spoil my good mood.
zz

ok hmm lets change the subject.
LOL

i finished my HoM reflections! :D
yay.
LOL

i really believe that
something that doesnt break you only make you stronger.
yea.

i'll be leaving for taiwan soon, and im quite scared of height to tell the truth..
and i dont really enjoy canoeing..
but these will be the things that i will be doing.
ok nvm i shall be brave hor. :D
like wad lgk say during the first aid lesson on fri, its not easy to be called a leader.
yep.

ok tats all.
nth much la.
tmrw is monday.
last week of term 2.
how time flies. :/

ok anws jiayous again to all the sec 4s! :D
many lucks esp
;garrick!
;chunyi!
and alot alot.

ok nites.
sweet dreams. (:

im bored.. -.-

yea, im at a party using my lappie.
tats the purpose of a laptop rite.
if i dont bring it with me it defeats the purpose.
hmm.

im really bored..

anws ytd was spamming classics with jingwen.
LOL
she likes westlife too. :D

k i shall upload some photos. :D


:D


karkar. :D



:D



my favourite! :D
i love this angle.
courtesy of the angmoh who took it for us. (:

today was Appointment Certificate Presentation Ceremony (ACPC)
cum sec 4 promo cum presentation of chief comm/comm badge.

Appointments:
Chair- Xiuzheng
VC- Wanqing
4209 SC- Jingyu & Grace
4310 SC- Keejeng & Evania
4411 SC- Gregory & Karhui
Admin Head- Joyce
Log Head- ChiChing
PS Head- Meldrick

yea thats the result.

i know that life isnt fair, but it doesnt make it any easier to accept.

i will just bear with my appointment and TRY MY VERY DAMN BEST to work and do my best for st john.

like wad mr garrick say.
sometimes you cant have your cake & eat it.
pretty no link.
-.-
this will surely be a new new very new and idk wad experience working with him.
but yeayea.
i'll make the best out of everything.
i really mean it.
learn to work with ppl i dun work well with etcetc.
great for starters,
i'll learn to talk to greg.

oh i received my commisioner badge today.
yep.
LOL

there's no more Cadet Leader rank..
so the highest cadet rank is Senior Staff Sergeant.
LOL
nice one.
and yating and jengwei were promoted.
grats!
jane maam say meanwhile just address them as Senior.
Senior Teoh and Senior Xing.
LOL

k yep tats all.
im off bye peeps.

ACPC IS TMRW.

k LOL
im feeling kinda..
anticipating and scared at the same time.

i hope 4108 can stay bonded no matter wad happens..
we are stl a squad aftr all.
a teletubbies squad! (L)

yea lor..
scared.
ok, not everyone will get the positions they want..
so yea.
i guess there will be disappointments all those.
haiz.

but stl.

MANY LUCKS 4108!
may your fantasy of today, be your reality of tmrw.
(L)

yea, like some wise clever smart acbc guy once told me,
" its not about the appointment, but about how much you can give to your cca"

yea..
so i guess i shld smile and be happy and do my best no matter wad and give back to st john as much as i can.

ok, im gonna rest and prepare for tmrw.
arghh acpc..
:/

jiayous everyone.
i love 4108! ♥

150510
; nice number
; nice day

today was awesome. ;D
k for most of the parts anws.
-.-

my blisters are killing me.
hurt like crap.
mm.

went jp.
went pizza hut for lunch.
k at first wanted nyny but i dun like. -.-
so wnt pizza hut and its damn crowded.
ok corrections : its crowded everywhere.
aftr lunch went kiddy palace. ;D
fun fun.
im nt a pri sch kid. -.-
thanks alot. -.-

mm yea.
random.
and decided to go flyer.
which was like jingwen's suggestion last night.
LOL
yea yea credits to you la. (:

went to city hall mrt.
thn walked round and round trying to find that dumb shuttle bus service.
damn nice.
walked round the same place thrice.
asked for directions and gave up aftr idk.
half hour or more?
thn cabbed there.
shld hav just cabbed thr right.
yea.
tat driver was crappy.
talk talk talk talk alot.
told us tat his wife and son wnt to the flyer and he didnt coz he think tat its a waste of money blahblah.

$29.50 for one ride, which is like 30 bucks for half an hour.
one buck for one min.
nice.

was in a capsule full of tourists.
k they are like adults so its ok at least it isnt very noisy.
-.-
was bored aftr five mins.
k la quite fun spamming photos.
-.-
uploaded some on fb.
nth to see actually.
was happy when we can finally get off tat capsule.

thn went to queensway to buy his shoes.
bus-ed to jurong east interchange and went home.
tireedd.

fun fun day.
:D

k i shall really go and slp now.
-.-
cant take it anm.

time flies by when its fun.
its kuai4 le4.
kuai4 = fast.
le4 = happy.
so yea.
why cant it be man4 le4.

k bye peeps.
nites. (:

my 123rd post. (:

you know you cant just leave and leave me to pick up those pieces of memories..

i wont.
and you cant.

dont bother highlighting if you dont know me at all.

i feel lost.
i feel empty.
i feel scared whenever i thought of the days i wld have to do without you.

how can i forget someone, who gave me simply too much to remember.
how can i forget someone, who flooded me with memories of him everywhere i go.
how can i ever forget you if i never even wanted to do so in the first place.

its hard to imagine sitting in the canteen during recess and not seeing your face.
its hard to imagine when i've got questions i've got no one to help me.
its hard hard to imagine what it will be like when you leave, and idw to know.
why am i feeling like this..

LOL
mye is officially over.
yea, smile girl.
you shld be happy.
heck care abt those stupid results.

ahh im feeling like idk wad.

looking forward to tmrw. ;D

its been damn long since i post my mmm.
raw uncooked feelings here.
eee sounds ew. -.-
ok, the real true part of me which is unexposed.
k tat sound worse.. -.-
hmm yea w/o tagboard this blog doesnt attract alot of attention.
so i dun mind posting it here.
ppl who came here are mostly my frens.
so yep.

k so maybe i'll post this post and regret abt it ltr.
fine, i shall just go ahead and regret ltr.
but for now..
its fine. (:

最初的感动
=)
First Love ; First Loss.


it will never, ever be the same again.
but i guess its ok..
i dun mind.

its just an illusion.
its my illusion.
its a pretty dream that i built for me.

i hope to never wake up from this dream.
just let me lie and sleep forever like sleeping beauty.

boy..
oh boy..

MYE IS OVER!


my first and last mye in nan hua is over! :D

k so next wed is like acpc.
:0
VERY FAST!!
><


thn..
mm.
dun talk abt exams yea.
its ...

mm yea.
looking forward to to aftr mye alot.
and now its here and i got to start clearing homeworks.
-.-
dammit.

k tats all.
short and sweet. :D
bye peeps.


i found my happiness in your eyes.